I’ve realized that there are a lot of things that I’ve been wanting to change lately. About myself, people around me, or just things in my daily life and/ or daily routine. Things that i can’t always change or things that don’t need to be changed. Thanksgiving always makes me realize how much i have and how much God has done to me, how he is working in my life, and what he is doing to bless me and also my family. 

It has also been almost a year since I’ve seen and talked to my dad. It’s kind of a bitter sweet type of deal as in the sense of i wouldn’t have wanted to see him as he got closer to his death. Looking back on December 1st of last year, there are also a lot of things i wish i could have changed, but nothing i can do about it. My dad is something that i will always be thankful for. Even though he wasn’t much of a role model at all, he still taught me what i didn’t want in life. 

He helped me realize that alcohol and drugs are something that i would never get myself into again. He helped me realize that i would never want to be around with anybody who was so into them like he was. But more importantly he helped me realize that i would never want to grow old with somebody who’s an alcoholic or a drug addict. 

I’d never want to be around that kind of stuff everyday. I’d never want my kids to be around that stuff. 

I wish i could spend just one last Thanksgiving with him, i wish that things could have been different this time last year. I wish he would have stayed sober. I wish he would have gotten the help when he needed it.

All these things, all these things that can’t be fixed..all these things i wish i could change. There’s a reason why it all happened. There’s a reason why things didn’t go the way i wanted them to. There’s a reason why God took him when we least expected it. 

Thanksgiving helps me realize i should be thankful for the time i(we) had with him.